Category Archives: Personal

The Rhythm

It has taken so long for me to add something new. Actually, I really don’t know what to share anymore. It makes me feel like the sky gets darker each day. I might say it is perfect when people normally see it. I start questioning whenever I look up. I prefer not to be bothered by my problems and pretend that they aren’t there. Life is getting tougher as I age. I may be able to accomplish some things in my life, but I know for myself that it isn’t enough. I’m looking for something new;a new life, a new beginning.

It’s been a long time since I was with someone physically. I was in a long distance relationship for so long, ended not in failure but things didn’t work out how everyone wanted. When I fall in love, I start to lose interest in other activities. Well I guess you can say one of my worst emotions is loving too much. I’m not perfect and I truly admit that I have made mistakes.

I know that each of us have different views when it comes to relationships. At my age, 26, I feel more drawn toliving with someone, building a family. I honestly don’t prefer being in a dating situation but It’s what I have right now. It’s not because we’re not ready to live together but more because he doesn’t feel his situation is stable. Most of my entire life the situation has been unstable, the answer is to know how to handle circumstances properly.

For my BF: I know one day you’ll be able to read this, I’m sorry if this will hurt you emotionally, I’m just being completely honestabout what I feel. And don’t get me wrong, I love you, I truly do!

There’s a lot of questions in my mind, like something is tightening in my head. It is my first time that I’ve been in a relationship where we never speak about the future. It only happens if I ask but it’s the same answer every time. It seems talking about the future is off-limits or it makes me feel like I am running around in a circle. I guess some people will accept that it’s normal to not have a conversation about it, but it’s important to me. I never thought about it when I was a teenager, I felt like my boyfriend is not my future husband, so we just went with life’s flow. Now, it’s different, every second counts. There’s a saying “You’ll never know if you’ll succeed if you don’t try”. That’s why I no longer believe in dating or long-term relationships. Lastly,I believe that in a relationship, you won’t truly know each other’s attitude unless you are both living under the same roof. Sigh! I’m thinking too much. I don’t really know what’s going on, makes me feel like I don’t know myself anymore.

7.29.14 2:20pm

Welcome 2013

Greetings! Welcome 2013… My year has ended and I may not have accomplished a lot of things in my life this past year, but I am thankful that I’m still here.

Oh… So where should I start? OMG! I know it’s been a while since I last posted something on my blog. It’s not because I’m too lazy to type, more because there are some burdens that happened that I cannot share. I’m not used to posting anything on my wall when it comes to personal problems in my life. I do not want to sound like I am “whining”.  I guess I don’t have the guts to become an aggressive person and be outspoken like that.

Every human being has their unique problems; we just need to know how to deal with them. Everything happens for a reason and I know that there’s always a solution. It may not be the best, but at least there is another step to go through.

I am very thankful to experience a physical job again; I work as a Cashier in a medium-class bar in Quezon City. It is owned by one of my former bosses from a previous job.  It is very awesome to work with him again, and especially to be able to work physically. I’ve been working home-based since 2010 and it’s very difficult to adjust, especially since it’s a new field. I had never experienced work as a cashier before, it was tough at first and some waiters tried to rush me.

Another problem that came up was that I thought having 2 jobs would help me to solve some of my financial issues. At first it did, but since the schedules are in conflict with my other job, I end up only getting 2 hours of sleep or less, or sometimes a few minutes of nap only. I was starting to experience some numbers not working in my brain anymore. I felt empty while computing, like I was floating in the air. That time, I realized that I don’t get good results, even though I love math. I finally realized that the lack of sleep will lead you to have an empty mind.

One of the people that I owe so much of an apology to is my manager. He may not be able to read this, but I wanted to say sorry to him for being late and asking for too many favors. I didn’t expect that December 2012 would be such a busy month for me, busier than last year.

The other thing that happened is my eyes got infected and they dried up. Even up to now they are still the same but not as bad as last time. I thought I only had sore eyes, but it turned out it was more than that. My eyes have an infection and I need to use some antibiotics and artificial tears.

This is what it looked like.

bad eyes

Don’t worry it doesn’t look like that anymore =] I thought that I might go blind Hahaha!

I think that’s it for now, I’ll share some new stuff as soon as I can. =)

 

 

Trip to Cebu Part 1

Today, I’m going to share my experiences of visiting Cebu City. I know it’s a bit late, since I went there July 22nd through the 24th; it has been almost 2 weeks now.

My flight was very early in the morning at 4:20am on the 22nd at (MNL) NAIA Terminal 3. Everything is unplanned, I haven’t been there before, and I don’t have relatives there either. When Cebu Pacific Air had their Promo last February, I asked my friend if we can go there. She agreed, and since our schedules were different during that time, we thought work wouldn’t be affected. Things changed, and the days went by so fast that we didn’t even notice it is already July. The last day I was to travel to Manila from where I am staying, I remembered that one of my friends from our Philippines X-Men Cosplay Group lives in Cebu and she sometimes travels to Manila to attend conventions. I talked to her on the 21st of July before I met my friend at the SM Mall of Asia. I was so thankful that she agreed to pick us up at the Cebu Airport and lead us to where we can stay safely.

My friend and I decided to sleep in the Airport until our flight, since it’s very hard to travel late at night. I arrived at the SM Mall of Asia around 9:30pm and my friend arrived around 11:00pm. We ate at McDonalds and then headed to NAIA Terminal 3. We kept laughing because we didn’t have any plans, not even places we should visit.

I learned that day that many people who have an early flight sleep in the Terminal. Choose your spot! Most travelers are sleeping in the chairs and many utilize the nearby outlets to charge their gadgets.

Naia Terminal 3

We used the web check-in so we didn’t need to fall in line, then they told us to talk to one of the personnel to get our gate number. Here’s how the waiting area looked like.

Waiting area in Naia 3

Here is our gate number.

Here is our gate number.

We patiently waited until they called our Flight number when it was ready to board. We fell in line and then they verified each passenger.

We hopped on the Cebu Pacific Bus that shuttled us to our plane. I love the music on the bus, even the people from Europe were chilling out.

Inside the Cebu Pacific Bus

The Plane was not that far and here’s a short video clip of the bus ride.

It’s raining during that time; I wish I was able to take a clip of how they assisted each passenger to avoid getting wet. We went out one by one and they protected us with a huge yellow umbrella.

Here is how the plane looked inside, it’s small but neato!

I’m beside the window, and the view was pretty awesome… I do love the clouds so much, minus the sound wave that is killing my ears. I was so tired; I didn’t realize that we took off as I fell asleep. When I finally opened my eyes, it’s already morning! Here is how the clouds looked:

And then we are ready to land in Cebu. The video is 6 minutes long. The weather in the south isn’t bad compared to the weather in Manila at that time.

 We arrived in Mactan Airport safely and here is how it looked:

Mactan Airport

Here is a nice but simple welcome from our friend in Cebu

This is the place where we stayed:

We rested for a bit and when we woke up… Our journey began…

A message for my son

So I think it’s time to make a new post, it has been a month since my last update. First of all, thank you very much readers of my blog, this month is the most amount of visitors I’ve gotten so far. Also, happy happy Independence Day to our beloved country – the Philippines. I hope that people know what we are celebrating today – it is the day where we have our Freedom!

I had a quick walk to my brother’s place and it was pretty amazing. I met the goats on the muddy road, but don’t get me wrong, I love those kinds of things, I love the country.

I’m so happy right now, especially with the people that surrounds me, they keep cheering me up. I’m having a hard time deciding on whether or not to move to a new place, because I need to make sure that I can take care of all of my finances including paying for my son’s schooling.

It’s very hard to be a mother and a father at the same time. I think every single parent knows that. I was busy preparing for my son’s school earlier. It will be his first time to go to school, I both hate and love seeing him grow. He’s growing so fast, I feel like it was just yesterday that he was just a baby. Today, he’s on his way to being a man and starting to ask questions, to write, to sing, to play and more. Tomorrow, he’ll be a big man and I’ll be a grandma! LOL! Well, that’s life… I hope not too soon, I wish for him to finish his school first and I’ll do the best the I can to support him no matter what he does in life.

Son, I know right now, you won’t understand what I’m saying, but when you grow up and you read this I would love you to know that there is nothing I wish for except your happiness. I may not be a perfect mom, but I hope that you’ll be a good boy when you grow up. I stare at you at night, I touch your face and cuddle you, although you’re asleep. Thank you because you understand mommy’s work, you know when and where you can bother me. Thank you because you understand me whenever we talk. I’m sorry if sometimes I’m talking to you as If you’re my same age, but I’m glad that you’re learning and you never repeat what you know is wrong. (Just like coloring the wall :) ). I’m so excited for your school, I love you you with all my heart. I love you so much Kurt -Mommy.

Life is like the Weather

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what that reason is, I’m just trying to accept it. I may have crossed the lines that caused someone else to get hurt but those mistakes teach me to not do it again and I know I’m not perfect. I made mistakes, everyone does… but that doesn’t mean that I deserved something that is ten times as painful. My worst trait is trusting too much. Because of that, I feel I have failed so much in my life. I’ve sacrificed so much just to help someone or just to make others happy. It’s enough for me to see their smile, and to know everything is alright. It’s always like, others first, myself later.

Sometimes, I keep asking God to let me see the future because I want to know the next chapter of my life. I want to know if I’m going to have a new cycle. A cycle where I can be contented, where I can see my dreams, where there is no more pain like what I’m experiencing right now. I wanted answers to some questions, I got some answers but I know in my heart that it isn’t the whole solution. I’m so afraid, I don’t know why… I don’t even remember making some mistakes; all I know is that I was in a place where I had no choice in life but to follow the flow.

“Life is like the weather, sometimes you love it and wish it to stay the way that it is, but sometimes you hate it because it makes you feel unwell.” -thyrene

          I am aware of this, however sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it. As Charles Swindoll says,

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.

On my 24th birthday, all I wish for is to have a better future for my son and to continue to seek for the answers that I’m yearning for.